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Watching comedy shows have meant I have another diversion that takes my mind off my busy thoughts and away from the low moods. Dave and I watch comedy most nights. My favourite comedians at the moment are Bill Bailey who is an exceptional musician. Dylan Moran who stars with Bill Bailey in Black Books, Irish/Australian Jimeon and Rowan Atkinson. I have been lucky enough to see the first three. I especially liked Rowan Atkinson, in Blackadder. Rowan’s delivery is exceptional.  We often sit at night watching Live at the Apollo on ABC comedy or on YouTube. It’s a live show featuring a variety of stand up comedians. They make me laugh.

Here is Jimeoin.

I went for a walk this morning for the second time in about two months. I was anxious and the chattering monkeys inside my head would not be silenced. My goal was to walk to the bus stop. I managed 30 minutes going at a snail’s pace. My plan is to walk every morning no matter how I feel. I know I should be walking because exercise is good for me. Even with a spur on the top of my right foot and a disintegrating right knee, I’ll soldier on.

Chattering monkeys is the constant chatter of the mind that never stops. It is sort of like an inner voice that constantly analyzes everything about your life, circumstances, and the people you meet.

I was trying to distract myself from unhelpful thoughts on my walk so I listened to the birds. I thought I heard and saw a Channel Billed Cuckoo I wasn’t sure. I saw a lone Yellow-Tailed Cockatoo with its slow wing beat and heard but did not see the beautiful Wonga Pigeon.

The chattering monkeys continued so I tried to calm my mind by focusing my senses on what was around me as I walked. Buddha said if you will spend some time each day in quiet meditation simply calm your mind by focusing on your breathing or a simple mantra you can, over time, tame the chattering monkeys. They will grow more peaceful. Apparently, you can do a walking meditation too.

My thoughts can affect how I feel. Thought-stopping helps me to change how I think so that I feel better. It is a challenge to stop the chattering monkeys. I’m trying hard sometimes it’s exhausting. There are many articles about the monkeys in your head. Here is a link to one of them.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/buddha-how-to-tame-your-m_b_945793

I am very tired but determined to tame my monkeys. Here is one of the photos I took of a monkey in Yalla National Park Sri Lanka.

I am struggling with anxiety this morning but here I am once again at the keyboard. More often than not I don’t know what I’m going to write and today’s no exception. For unknown reasons I thought of World Heritage as I was driving home with the number two grandson in the car. This topic is one I know very little about but I’ll attempt to just touch the surface with my meager knowledge.

A World Heritage site is a natural or man-made site, area, or structure recognized as being of outstanding international importance. Therefore deserving special protection. Sites are nominated to and designated by the World Heritage Convention. I believe there are nineteen sites in Australia and many more worldwide.

I have been to eight sites in Australia. The most recent Kakadu National Park. Earlier this year we flew to Darwin and drove to the park which is located within the Alligators River Region of the Northern Territory. The park covers almost 20,000 square kilometres, making it the largest national park in Australia. We just touched a teeny tiny fraction of this magnificent site. It was an amazing experience to be immersed for a few days in the oldest living culture in the world. It sent shivers down my spine when Aboriginal people spoke of being “on country” I felt a genuine empathy towards the people. It was an honour to be shown some of the rock art and it was fascinating to listen to and read about local cultural practices. I recommend you visit there if you can.

This is a photo I took of rock art in Kakadu National Park.

Today when I was sewing I started to become anxious and made mistakes. I took a break for lunch and had a lie-down and listened to some relaxation music. When I started sewing again I decided to continue with the relaxation music. I searched through my Spotify account and found some music by a British group called Marconi Union. They were recommended to me by one of the nurses when I was in hospital late last year and I was having trouble sleeping.

There’s one particular track called Weightless which research has shown that listening to this one song resulted in a striking 65 percent reduction in participants’ overall anxiety.  The group that created Weightless Marconi Union, did so in collaboration with sound therapists.

Spotify seems to have all kinds of music. If you don’t have Spotify I highly recommend it for a small monthly payment you have access to an enormous amount of music. I have one app on my phone and one on my tablet. I connect either device to our boom box via Bluetooth. I can have music wherever I am in the house. You don’t have to have a boom box you can just use your phone or tablet but the boombox speaker has a better sound.

Marconi Union plays ambient music. Ambient music is a type of music that emphasizes tone and atmosphere over traditional musical structure or rhythm. A form of slow instrumental music, it uses repetitive, but gentle, soothing sound patterns that can complement or alter your space and to generate a sense of calmness. Now that I’ve rediscovered this ambient music I’ve decided to ditch the other music for a while and to use it whenever I become anxious as well as just before I go to bed. I feel confident it will produce a calmer day.  

Whilst looking online for more relaxation music I came across the top ten songs for relaxation. Check out this link.

https://sleepauthority.com/anxiety-reducing-music/

This video below is Marconi Union’s Weightless. This is a short version some versions go for as long as 10 hours. I guess that is to allow you to play it whilst you sleep. Have a listen.

I’m tired, so very tired. Most mornings I am up either just before sunrise or just after. I don’t want to be up that early. I want to sleep in.

I have a sleeping disorder I inherited from my father it’s called sleep apnea. Good old Dad passed on sleep apnea, depression, and bunions. Probably other things as well. Aren’t I the lucky one. You don’t get to pick your father so I might as well just get on with my life despite the hand I have been dealt.

Sleep apnea is a potentially serious sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly stops and starts. If you snore loudly and feel tired even after a full night’s sleep, you might have sleep apnea. In adults, the most common cause of obstructive sleep apnea is excess weight. Obesity is associated with the soft tissue of the mouth and throat. During sleep, when throat and tongue muscles are more relaxed, this soft tissue can cause the airway to become blocked. When I was first diagnosed I wasn’t overweight. I am now. I found out much later when visiting a different sleep doctor I had a crowded air passage whatever that means. It was never fully explained.

Severe, untreated sleep apnea nearly quadruples the risk of death compared to those without sleep apnea and the risk of heart disease is five times greater. It also can be a contributing factor for depression. 

Dave was the first to complain about my very loud snoring, like a freight he said. Of course, I was completely unaware of the racquet I was making because I was asleep. It was the next thing he said that set off alarm bells. Apparently, I also stopped breathing and had to be prodded to start breathing again. That was scary!

With a referral in my hand, I went to see a specialist who arranged a sleep study. It was an experience I don’t want to repeat. I went to a private hospital in Sydney where they had sleep study rooms all set up to record my every breath. I chamnged into my pyjamas and was shown where I was to sleep. The room looked like an operating theatre hardly conducive to a night of good sleep. I was told to lay down on a skinny narrow bed less than the width of a single bed only to find it was as hard as floorboards. I tried to get comfortable knowing that this was impossible.

The sleep technician told me I had to sleep on my back for the entire length of the study then he proceeded to cover my body with sticky dots of different colours attached to lengths of wire. They were everywhere the length of my arms and legs. My chest and abdomen had straps across and around them and there was another band around the circumference of my head.

Pleased with his work the technician told me not to get up to go to the toilet because then they’ll have to rewire me. Good luck with that I thought I will most definitely not make it through the night. Have a good night’s sleep he said as he closed the door. What a silly man! I was not comfortable, I was not happy, I felt like Frankenstein’s monster and I was very tired.

Unsurprisingly I didn’t get a wink of sleep and I had to get up to go to the bathroom. The upshot of all this was confirmation of Sleep Apnea and planning for wearing a machine which will help prevent snoring and breath-holding.

This machine provides positive airway pressure or PAP for short. PAP therapy is the most common form of treatment for moderate and severe obstructive sleep apnea. To use the PAP system, I have to wear a nasal mask that delivers pressurized air from a small machine via a tube to the upper airway, preventing the airway from collapsing during sleep. I’ve had three different PAP machines. The first couple had full face masks and the actual machine was a bit bigger than a house brick. The machine I have now has a nasal mask and a very small machine called a mini more suitable for travel.

This is not a very romantic look to have in bed! I joke around and call it a snorkel or Darth Vader.

It’s early morning again and I’m not at my best but I find myself tapping away on the keyboard waiting to feel a bit better. This early morning low feeling is symptomatic of my depression. Apparently, this is common with depression where the day starts in a gloomy mood and picks up throughout the day. I wish I could unsubscribe from diurnal mood rhythms.

Before I start writing I check my emails. I managed to read them and delete many. I continue to get more spam so I go through the process of unsubscribing. It takes me a good five minutes. I’d like to unsubscribe to many things.

I’d like to unsubscribe to all the charity mail I get. I already support my chosen charities with monthly payments paid straight out of my bank account. Somehow my postal address has been passed on to other charities some I never knew existed. Some days that’s all there is in the letterbox. I’m a little annoyed by it. I’ve begun scribbling out my address on the front of the letter and writing return to sender in the hope they will stop sending them. I’d also like to unsubscribe to the nuisance phone calls. Nicole rings every day sometimes twice. She is a recorded voice threatening to cut off our NBN if we don’t follow her directions.

Now I am going to continue with my diversional therapy and edit some old photos of mine. Immersing myself in an activity like writing, sewing and editing photos helps to take my mind off how I’m feeling and it helps.

This is a photo I took in 2014 in Galle Fort Sri Lanka. These men are on half of the bridal party.

Over the last six weeks, I’ve been drinking a lot of tea. Half of one of our kitchen drawers is filled with different types of tea. A lot of it loose leaf tea I’ve collected on my travels. I’m trying to drink my way through teas from Sri Lanka, China and Australia. The Australian Teas are from Far North Queensland. Recently I’ve been drinking Earl Grey with Tangerine, black tea and Rooibus. My favourite tea is Rooibos, I think I have an addiction.

Rooibos is common in Southern Africa where it is called bush tea, red tea, or redbush tea. The tea has been popular in Southern Africa for generations. I’ve been reading The No. 1 Ladies Detectives Agency books by Alexander McCall Smith. Every chapter mentions brewing and drinking bush tea. Roobibos Tea contains no caffeine. After water, tea is the most widely consumed drink in the world. Green tea is considered to have the most health benefits of any type of tea. Drinking more than four cups of tea a day is not good for you. Whoops! Lately, I’ve been drinking about twice that.

There is something soothing and comforting about a hot cup of tea. Drinking tea is a well-known ritual in Australia. Come and have a cuppa an invitation to gather and chat about the day about what’s happened, what is happening and what’s going to happen. It’s a time to listen and often it’s a time to sympathise with others.

 I’m grateful for the people who have invited me for a cuppa. Thank you very much.

A blog (shortening of “weblog”) by definition is an online journal. It’s a regularly updated website or web page, typically one run by an individual or small group. It’s written in an informal or conversational style. Blogging apparently is good for you. According to the information I found online there is proof that Journaling is an incredible stress management tool, a good-for-you habit that lessens the impact of physical stressors on your health. Writing about stressful experiences can help you manage them in a healthy way. Perhaps this is why I am drawn as if by a magnet to hit the laptop keyboard as soon as I’ve finished breakfast.

When I write I am trying to manage my stress and the number one stressor in my life right now is the state of my mental health. It does feel good to write. I found another online article that reveals five powerful health benefits of Journaling. The first is it reduces stress. The second is it improves immune function. The third is it keeps memory sharp. The fourth is it boosts mood. Finally, the fifth one is it strengthens emotional function. I feel better already! You may like to read the article.

https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/topics/live-well/2018/07/5-powerful-health-benefits-of-journaling/

It appears writing can do wonders for mental health. Not only does regular writing make you feel good, keeping a journal can clarify your thoughts and feelings. Just what I need. Looking back on my journal writing I can see I have written 77 journal entries since 2014 not all of them worth reading but hey I had a go and I’m pleased I did. Maybe I might share one of my old posts with you if I can remember how to do it.

In a drawer in our spare room, I have a box filled with love letters written by my mum and dad before they were married. I guess you could say they were journaling just not online. I’ll finish up with this song.

Another early start after a broken night’s sleep. Here I am ready to face another day. Yesterday I had another good day however I am still concerned about my moods. They’re cycling up and down every three to four hours which coincides with when I take my medication. I’m trying to deal with it but I don’t want it to be a permanent part of my day. I’m getting better but I’m not at my best. I long for that time to come. It’s hard waiting.

I think I’m managing the dips in the mood better than I was. I have daily routines that keep me going and I’m using Mindfulness when I can to help through the low spots. I think some changes in medication is necessary. I will talk to my specialist.

See-saws along with swings were playground favourites of mine. The thrill of being up high was addictive something I really enjoyed. The bumpy landing on the see-saw sometimes filled me with dread. Most of the time it was a soft landing except when I had a person on the other end who loved to hear me protest or even cry about a hard landing.

This morning I’m reflecting on how far I’ve come in a month because I’m feeling a bit despondent. I am impatient to be well. I want to be the person I was before the end of September. When I look back I see good things have happened. I no longer spend most of the day in bed in a darkened room. I no longer shun food and I no longer avoid interacting with other people. I go to yoga, the gym, and aqua aerobics because I know how important exercise is for the body and the mind. All of these are big achievements.

I need to look at the positives and pat myself on the back often. My concentration has improved as well. A month ago I wasn’t reading, not even a paper. Now I can sit down and read a book. Sometimes I lose the plot due to wavering concentration but I plod on through the text like it’s some kind of challenge. I’ve also started sewing again. I had a few anxious moments in the process but I’ve stuck at it. I enjoy it and I will eventually have something that will remind me of how determined I am to see a project through to the end. Quilters talk often of having UFOS referring to all their unfinished objects. I don’t like having unfinished quilt projects.

A month ago writing did not even cross my mind. Now I write every day. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll run out of puff if I’ll be able to churn out my thoughts daily. At the moment I enjoy it. I look forward to my morning writing session. It is of itself another healing therapy. How long will it continue is unknown.

A month ago when I became unwell I rarely listened to music. Except for the occasional meditative, relaxation music. Now there is not one quilting session without music. Yesterday it was The Beatles The White album followed by the best of The Rolling Stones. Dancing around to The Rolling Stones and trying to cut a straight line in fabric was good fun.

It was hard to pick just one track. This one is a favourite of mine. I hope you enjoy the Rolling Stones therapy.