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Sometimes I wonder why I go away because when I get home there is all this “stuff” to catch up with and the holiday is soon forgotten.

In the past I have fallen into a big black hole within days of returning from a great holiday. I believe that what I was doing was looking around home and comparing it to my time away. On holiday I had sunny weather, I did not have to cook or wash up, I enjoyed endless days exploring a different culture and I generally lived it up without any responsibilities.

What I unwittingly did was to allow myself to become overwhelmed by all the “stuff” I had to catch up on. Instead of steadily working my way through jobs I looked at everything I had to do and just collapsed under the weight of tasks I thought I should be doing.

Now I know that I need to deal with each task one at a time and once I get started I’m usually off to good start. After a holiday it’s just too easy to fall back into the reality of work and everyday life and throw up our hands in horror whilst at the same time hating that the holiday had to end. I’m usually happy to be home but unhappy that I have to once again do all the mundane jobs that come along with being home.

The one thing I have learnt to do after the come down from a holiday is to break down the tasks into single tasks that I finish before I try to start another one. If I try to multitask the result is usually having lots of tasks started but none finished.

This is where having a list of things to do each day helps me to tackle one thing at a time and get it done before I move on. Most busy people are good at multitasking but I’ve found it is just a recipe for many unfinished projects.

To help stop the end of holiday blues I now don’t try to do everything all at once but I try tackling one thing at a time and have come to discover this is the best recipe for a successful return to life post holiday. I try to give myself a soft landing back on home soil and found that this usually provides a buffer for those post holiday blues.

I used to say when I retire I’ll take up quilting and I did. What I never imagined was all the other things I would take up too. Birding, photography, quilting, walking, gardening, reading, writing, volunteering, the list goes on. Who’d have thought I would have my eggs in so many different baskets. Not me!

Now it’s a case of doing whatever I want whenever I want. You see in retirement I am no longer constrained by the clock or other people. The only things that impose a limit to what I can do is my imagination, motivation and my own ideas on what is worthwhile to me.

When I was working I could not imagine myself doing anything else but work. Back then my days consisted of mostly work, then jobs for other people like cooking and cleaning and generally getting things done around the house. Even when I had holidays it took the best part of a week to finally relax enough to do anything other than work related activities.

I had limited my imagination and motivation to such a short time outside of work that most of the spare time I had I would just sleep because I was exhausted by working. I had invested all my eggs into one basket and never thought about spreading my eggs between several baskets. Sure I had other things I could do but I never allowed myself the time to do them.

Some people have very good work life balance, I was not one of them. I didn’t play enough, relax enough and rest enough. In other words I had limited my time to the only thing I thought was worthwhile and that was work. Amazingly I didn’t flounder around in retirement not knowing what to do with myself.  I did take some time to discover non work related activities though so it was a slow transition into retirement.

I think that some people put off retiring because they can’t imagine themselves doing anything other than work. They worry they’ll be struggling to find things to do so they end up doing nothing. Suddenly they are free to choose but can’t choose anything, they become depressed because work was all they had done. Work was their life! Luckily for me this wasn’t the case. I slowly realised I could have fun and do things for myself.

Ask yourself what will you do when you retire, then get out there and do them before you retire. Bring back some balance to your life. Don’t let your life be only about work because there is so much more to do. You are only limited by your imagination and motivation.

You know those days you have when you feel like you get nothing done. Well I felt like that yesterday, that is until I looked at my to do list. When I checked I saw that I could cross off two jobs out of three I had written down and the third one I finished this morning. Lists are a great tool to remind yourself that you actually achieved more than you thought and helps you to feel good about yourself even when you are feeling lousy.

I also realised that I hadn’t put on my list something that was a large part of my day and that was playing with my grandson Mannie. He knows how to play and does it very well so I’m glad he roped me in. I built a duplo house only to have him enjoy knocking it back down again. We watched a truck together for ages and we drew dot art with crayons. It was so much fun and made me recognise the importance of play!

Play is not just something children do as an add on to the day, it is their day! Mannie has taught me a lot, most of all to live in the moment, be aware of the simplest things in your environment like teeny tiny bugs and most importantly relax and have fun.

Somewhere along the path to adulthood some of us relegate fun to the back burner. When really it should be an integral part of our day. When you are not having fun what are you doing? My answer is working and worrying. Which sounds better to you?

Which brings me back around in a full circle to fun! Make sure your life isn’t all work and no play because to have it any other way is not really loving your life. Live your life to the fullest and make sure you include some fun no matter how many things you have on your list. Squeezing in just a little bit of play everyday is important for your well being.

Some days I feel like I’ve been treading water with my head just managing to bob above the surface. These are the days where I feel like I’ve got nothing done or I’ve been overwhelmed by having too much to do. At these times you need to review your list and your priorities.

Having realistic and achievable tasks on your to do list is important. Setting a time frame within which to complete the tasks allows you to manage what you do and when you are going to do it. Without a time frame you will find yourself with an endless list of things to be done. Narrow your list down so that what you want to get done is within the week or even within the next few days. Activities that don’t fit into that time frame can be let go for the time being until you are ready to give them higher priority.

If you still feel like your chasing your tail, narrow your list right down to things you want to achieve in the next few hours. Keep in mind that you need to balance your activities so you are not always doing things for others. If you find yourself preparing and cooking family dinners every day change it so that some days another person cooks or you eat leftovers. If you seem to be the person doing the washing most days ask someone else to do this so you can spend some time on something you want to do for yourself. There is nothing more frustrating than doing for others all the time as this only builds up resentment and anger. Allowing enough time for yourself helps to balance your day so put on your list at least one thing you will do for yourself and when you will do it.

For myself I like to write my blog so I make sure it’s on my to do list. I also like to check my emails but decide this doesn’t have to be every morning but rather each night when I have a bit more time. Other activities I purposely do in the morning when I know I’m fresh and not so tired.

Remember the key to a manageable to do list is to make sure there is a time frame within which to do each thing and you have some time for yourself.

Last blog post I zoomed in on how to bring meaning to your life by focusing or refocusing on activities that you have ownership of and that are meaningful to you. Now I’d like to talk about strategies that have helped me to stay on task and refocus.

I have started making lists and prioritising the tasks I write on my list. My brother and sister make lists and have always suggested to me to do this myself. I ignored their good advice and continued on my own merry way. Now I am a list maker and have discovered the very real benefits.

I usually start by writing down what has to be done and what I would like to do. I then mentally sort them into groups of must do now, needs to be done in the near future and tasks that can wait a while. Once I’ve done this I start on the things I need to do now. Making a list does not set your work into concrete as you can reprioritise depending on circumstance and add to the list as needed.

Making a list has helped me get a lot more done in a shorter time and most importantly makes me feel like I have really accomplished something, no matter how trivial or small the task is. When I am unwell the list may only include getting out of bed and having a shower. However, just doing this can help me to look positively at myself and the day as I tick that off the list. It helps me to focus on what I have done rather than thinking and looking at what I have not done.

It also helps me to be more efficient with my time. I usually make a list at the start of the day and review the list as I go along. Some tasks are a given like brushing my teeth and don’t get written down however there is nothing too trivial that can’t be put on the list particularly when you are struggling to remember what has been done and what is still to be started.

Lists don’t need to cover the whole day or week but can be broken down into smaller time frames like this morning I will do the washing and hang it out. Always keep in mind that your day does need time out for relaxing or resting.

You will discover that you will be able to focus on what can be done and you will feel good when you tick it off. Start today with a short list over a short time frame then add more tasks over the day. Make your list achievable but at the same time you can write down reminders to yourself re future activities.

Whilst I was away on the north coast I picked up a book for one dollar. The title interested me, “18 minutes Find your Focus Master Distractions and Get the Right Things Done” by Peter Bregman.

The book looked like no one had read it before me, what a pity they missed out on reading some enlightening thoughts. Today my blog has been inspired by this book.

What matters to you? What will you regret not doing before you die? In his book Bergman encourages us to; “Focus your year on the things that matter to you. On things that have specific meaning to you.” In this particular chapter Bergman recounts the most common regrets of people who had gone home to die. “Their most common regret? I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Their second most common? I wish I didn’t work so hard.”

I thought about this and realized I did indeed wish I hadn’t worked so hard. However, I can’t change my past. What I can do is refocus my future. I will live my life with no regrets but pursue my passion, pursue meaning in my life.

I believe I have been blessed with the ability to communicate. Without blowing my own trumpet I do think I am a good speaker, a good writer, a good reader and an average listener. Listening being the weakest link and something I need to practise on a regular basis.

However good communication depends on whether I am well or not. When I am well ideas come pouring out but when I am unwell communication especially talking and reading becomes a challenge. Probably the biggest challenge is reading.

I love to read, not being able to concentrate and focus on reading is very frustrating. During this last episode of depression I became determined to read. Thanks to belonging to a book group I had been given a book to focus on. I turned off all distractions like the radio, sat down in the peace and quiet and read the book club novel in a day and half. The effort I had to make was enormous but I’m so glad I did.

Now that I am well I have rediscovered my blog and decided to have a go at writing. What a revelation this has been. Who’d have thought that when I retired I would be taking up photography and writing, not me! What a gift I have been given. I am truly blessed.

What will give meaning to your life? What is your passion? Don’t wait till you retire but refocus on something that is meaningful to you. Something you can do on a regular basis, something that gets you out of bed in the morning.

Make a list of things you can do that will bring meaning to your life. It’s never to late to focus on one or more of these activities.  I have no doubt that you too will discover your gifts. Take up your passions then you will see what life means to you.

You may have noticed that I have been writing my blog on almost a daily basis. Now it’s time to STOP and take a break.

Taking time out is very important just as the previous blog said it’s as important as being busy. Sometimes stopping comes quickly and at other times it’s a slow brake as you gently slide to a standstill.

Which ever way it happens it’s best to STOP every now and then to allow yourself the space to refresh and rejuvenate. When I am in an up mood this can be easier said than done. It’s actually more important when I’m in an up mood to practice stopping. Waiting until things slow down is not a good tactic because often it’s too late and you’ve lost control of the brakes. Having control is far better than being out of control.

Having done both I can recommend that stopping is best done when you have total control of where and when you STOP. This allows you to choose what you are going to do when you STOP. I might have a sleep or just lie down and read or I might listen to a meditation and relaxation recording. Whatever I choose to do I have control. Whereas if I wait till I’m out of control and forced to STOP I usually have only one choice and that is to curl up under my doona in a darkened room.

What will you do to relax? Have a think about it and make the effort to practise relaxation on a regular basis.

When I am well I  become so busy I don’t allow myself the time for rest and relaxation. Sure I achieve a lot by getting”stuff” done but is being busy good for me. The answer is NO!

Looking around me I can spot the workaholics who have yet to realise that rest and relaxation is as important as work. Having this balance between work and play doesn’t come naturally to some, myself included. We have to force ourselves to practise resting and relaxing. People like us often wonder why we suddenly burnout and come to a screeching halt.

Burnout is often associated with stress. The way to prevent burnout or nervous exhaustion is to take time out so you are better able to deal with stress.

My father was a busy man who found being confined to bed during a bout of depression extremely difficult. He had never included time out for himself, work dominated his life. He worked to better his own life and the lives of his family. Taking time out to stop and smell the roses was not something he practised. His life it appeared to me was all work and no play.

People like my father are shocked when suddenly they stop and the only thing they can do is retreat to bed. I too learnt the hard way, in fact I am still learning how to take time out.

Meditation is a tool which I have used to help myself get better. It’s not easy but it is important for my well being. Taking time out doesn’t come naturally to me, I actually have to practise it. I am getting better at relaxing but I still have to make it a part of my daily life.

Being busy was considered by me and many others as a good thing, when what we really need is a balance between work, rest and play.

Are you too busy to rest? What do you do for relaxation? Seriously give it some thought because rest and relaxation is as important as being busy.

Family, friends and acquaintances are important parts of a fulfilling life. Especially, if you are unwell.

My family are pivotal to my recovery from depression and anxiety, without them I wouldn’t be here. Dysfunctional family ties often contribute to depression and far too many suicides.

Friends are also important as they build your social circle beyond family and make  a community.

Acquaintances are the last circle of  human interaction. Acquaintances  take you beyond family and friends into the wider world.

All three groups have a role to play in your life, with family being the closest and most important group. Dysfunctional families impact on the wider community. The more dysfunctional families there are the greater the impact on the community. There is no doubt in my mind that families must get their houses in order before they can effectively function in a community.

Families are particularly important to a person with a mental illness because they provide unconditional love and support within  easy reach. In other words they are the first base people with mental illness reach out for. Too many suicides are direct result of a break in family ties and a feeling of hopelessness. A feeling of isolation, being unloved and substance abuse usually dominates the thinking of a person with no strong family ties.

Friends support families and are the second base that unwell people seek if there is no family to belong to. Friends are an important link to the wider world. They introduce us to ideas and a way of living beyond the family.

Acquaintances are people we meet who usually have little attachment to your family. They are more often than not the people you interact with as you go about your daily life. Acquaintances provide us with the help we cannot get from our family and friends.

A typical symptom of depression and anxiety is to withdraw from the world. Often I would think “stop the world I want to get off!” It is this very act of withdrawal that isolates the mentally ill. The isolation increases the effects of depression and anxiety which in turn feed the feeling of hopelessness.

If you are depressed and feeling alone reach out to family, friends and acquaintances. If you know someone with a mental illness try not to isolate them, rather bring them into your circle and show them you care. Depression need not be a desperately lonely experience if you make the effort to connect to all three groups. All of them are vital to your recovery.

Memories can be good and not so good. They all help in defining our future by reminding us of our past. Memories can be painful, especially in times of grief or despondency. Memories can be positive by reminding us of the good times we’ve had. All memories build on what we already know.

Some memories are painfully sad, yet will never be forgotten. One such memory I will never forget is when I held my son Lewis’s hand as he lay dying. His warm hand turning cold in mine.  Other memories are beautiful like meeting my grandson Mannie soon after his birth. I remember the joy in the faces of Owen and Carly.

Memories shape our past and deliver us into the future. The trick is to hold on to our memories and at the same time learn to let them go. Memories play a huge part in explaining our behaviour. Who of you can ever forget the death of a loved one without shedding a tear and who of you will laugh with family and friends whilst recounting funny episodes in the past?

Unfortunately whilst in a depressed state I find myself haunted by bad memories and it becomes a struggle to give them up. Dwelling on these memories when I’m unwell only serves to feed the depression. It does nothing to help me move on. I don’t forget the events that cause me grief, I just don’t hang onto them as if my life depended on it.

Memories are a powerful tool to use when recounting your life but they can be detrimental if you only remember the bad ones. In remembering the good with the bad I can balance my life so as I am not dragged under by a sea of grief and worry. Worry will not change anything is a phrase I like to remind myself of when I become so anxious I’m incapable of doing anything.

Do you worry unnecessarily? Do you let your worries dominate your life and paralyse you with fear,?Try acknowledging them and then let them go. This is not to say forget them but it will allow you to move on.