Roadblocks

My roadblocks are thoughts that I am having difficulty accepting. Right now my most common thought is that I’m finding it very hard to accept that my depression and anxiety is a diagnoses that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

My experiences with depression and anxiety are mentally and physically challenging times that I always hope will not raise their ugly head again. It’s hard, really hard to say… it is what it is. But I must live with it because I have to live with it, the only other choice is death. That’s pretty grim!

I guess with each descent into a black hole I have to say…this too will pass. No matter that I always get better it is hard to hope for recovery when so many experiences of depression are plagued by unbearable anxiety. Anxiety that tries to make every positive into a negative.

I have experienced depression and anxiety since I was forty that’s twenty- three years of devastating lows. Recently I have had four stays in hospital in fourteen months. It has been a desperate battle to recover and attain equilibrium. Slowly, very slowly I am acknowledging my lot in life but still find it difficult to accept that I have a life long mental health diagnoses and there is no doubt I will have more episodes.