Again I find myself in a deep depression. It is so hard to deal with since it came back so quickly following my discharge from hospital. I’m frustrated, angry, sad and too many other emotions to describe. It has been many weeks since I last wrote a blog. I was hoping it may help me in some way express my feelings but I’m not really sure of what to write or if I can write. Usually I find the writing easy but now in this moment I am lost for words. I don’t want to go to hospital but I need access to the professional help it can provide because I can’t get it at home.
This will be the fourth admission in fourteen months. It’s difficult to understand and accept my plunges into very dark places where thoughts of suicide are ever present. I have had episodes of depression now for the last twenty-three years. You would think I had a handle on things by now but each episode is just as hard as the one before it. I am slowly learning that my anxiety and depression is a life long illness and I need to be better prepared for each episode. I have been listening to a podast by Douglas Bloch an author, mental health educator and a person who has experienced first hand anxiety and depression. I am learning a lot. Here is one phrase that has helped me. It too will pass.
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