I wrote this a week ago but I thought I’d still share it. A week after writing this post I feel like I’m making baby steps forward in terms of how I manage my anxiety. At times I’m as fragile as glass other times I feel “normal”. The goal remains the same I want to return to a balanced set of emotions. This is what I wrote a week ago.
I went for a walk this morning I was full of anxiety so I tried to distract myself by noting some of the things I saw around me. I spotted a Kookaburra perched in a gum. Kookaburras always look smart don’t you think. Of course, there were the Eastern Grey Kangaroos who are always around our place many with joeys. An amusing sight was spotting one female with her offspring who was headfirst in its mother’s pouch with only its legs and tail sticking out. It amazes me how the mums can carry such big joeys. I also spotted a large egg split open under some trees by the side of the road. Could it have been a Channel-billed Cuckoo egg? I thought I saw an adult near where the egg had fallen. On reflection, I think it may have been another bird’s egg as I had not heard the raucous calls of the Channel Bill.
General anxiety is a disorder. By definition, it is when the victim (me) is constantly worried or fearful about situations or things that normally wouldn’t bother them or others. Anxiety is a normal part of our emotions. However, high levels of anxiety can become a medical disorder. Anxiety disorders lead to excessive nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worry. That’s me in a nutshell. (Note a week later I feel I am a little better).
It’s so frustrating to be anxious a lot of the time. I think often about the time when I’ll not get up in the morning feeling nauseous. When I’ll not become agitated if I make a mistake. When I’ll not forget what I’m doing because I’m excessively worried about something else. When I’ll not go to bed worrying about the next day. I look forward to the day when I’ll be like I was before 28th September. Two months is a long time to be depressed and anxious. I am exhausted by it.
I live in hope. Without hope, I wouldn’t be here. Life is a challenge at the moment but hope allows me to carry on. Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m still in the tunnel looking at the light and trying to get closer to it.
One of the locals.
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