I’m struggling today with the morning blues. I know I will feel better once my medication kicks in. Right now I feel dreadful. Every morning I feel low. I get up early because I can’t sleep, I shower and eat breakfast then I try to read a book.
I’m reading Alexander McCall Smith’s The No.1 Detective Agency Tears of the Moon. It’s not a book I would normally read but his books are easier for me to remember. The plots are simple. Reading requires concentration I need to be able to follow a plot and remember characters.
Sometimes as the day wears on I can read something more challenging. I usually manage just a few pages. I’m slowly reading Warlight by Michael Ondaatje. It’s a book club book. I’m considering getting an e-book version to see if that will help me finish the book and remember it. As the convenor of the book club, I really want to read it all before the meeting and remember it.
This morning I had to abandon reading. I couldn’t concentrate. I started my journal instead.
It’s been a month now of the blues. It seems like forever. Looking back at what I couldn’t do a month ago and what I can do now gives me hope.
Here are a few Ways Depression Lies and tries to wipe out hope.
1. You’re not trying harder enough it’s all your fault.
2. You’re broken and unfixable.
3. Nothing Matters.
4. Being alone is better.
5. There’s no hope.
6. You’ll never amount to anything.
7. Suicide is the way out.
One day I’ll write another journal entry about the truth to counter these lies.
In the meantime here is a very helpful quote I keep in my Mental Health Tool Box. On the shelf above my desk. I made this box in a private mental health facility in Wollongong. Inside the box are helpful quotes, tips, etc. I first read this via my Yoga teacher’s emails. Thank you, Diane.
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
Upanishads
I’ll leave with Bob Dylan.
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